Please make sure you start at the beginning if you are new. Look for the links to the right sidebar. Start with Introduction. You don't want to miss the struggling beginning.


Welcome to my site.  Chances are you know someone that is a victim/survivor to Domestic Violence. There is an even greater chance you don't know who they are yet.  From 1986 to 2005 I was involved with a man that led me to believe he was the best I could ever have.  It was common for me to feel like I was nothing.  I was desperate for a friend or just someone to talk to.  It was during this time that I turned to pen and paper and started to write to myself, my feelings, thoughts, and dreams.

It wasn't till I started to work as a 911 dispatcher, answering phones and talking women that were in the middle of what I was living in that I realized what I was going through was wrong, abusive, and at times illegal.  The process to get out was not easy.  But I kept writing.  Writing allowed my inner self to become my friend, the one I so desperately needed.  Without even knowing it my trainers at work, the officers, and the citizen I was helping taught me what a relationship was not supposed to be like.  My journals gave me the courage to make the moves towards freedom.

I want to share my journal's with you.  I want to make it clear that I don't want you to feel pity or sorrow for me.  This was a life that I clearly chose.  However, my hope is that while you are reading this, you may perhaps see something in me that you see but never recognized in someone you know, or even yourself.  If you are in the middle of a domestic situation please contact your local shelter.  You can do this just to get information on how to make your plan of leaving. Call 211 (available in most area's around the USA) and ask questions.  They should be able to provide you help on most all of your questions.  However, and let me say this bodly and with purpose - If you realize you are in danger please call 911!  Do not hesitate!  While you read my journal and my comments about police and my doubts of them being able to help me, realize that I was led to believe by my abuser that they could not help me.  There is in fact a lot of help and assistance that Officer's can do for you.  You need to ask them!

I post up the chapter's as often as I can.  But please realize going back through the journal and adding in the actual fights and dialogue is mentally and physically draining.  I have to take breaks between posts to concentrate on fun/positive things.  Remember, I still work for 911, still answering the domestic calls and still working in a very stressful job.  So it's very important I balance stress and happy!  It's also important for you to do the same!

Happy reading.  remember, I'm sharing to get the word out there!  My life was just like so many others that are currently out there living just like I did.  They too have the right to be happy and live in safety and security!  Declare it and make a plan!  Work towards it and continue to ask yourself.... What's your price for freedom?